I have to write a second draft for my research paper about the Georgetown 272 Slave Trade. I have my first draft of my research paper, my sources, and my critiques from my teacher that I need to follow. It needs to be 12 pages and although I do provide 7 sources , in order to properly complete this you will need to get more specific articles from the websites I put. Specifically articles about stories of the descendants of the enslaved. My first draft is attached, and my teachers critiques are below. Please also make it sound like my writing. Thank you so much!!
1) Is the author moving toward fulfilling the assignment of writing an original essay that uses primary sources to support an argument about slavery or the Atlantic trade in enslaved people?
Yes, you have a primary source about the Georgetown 272.
2) Thesis statement: what is the author’s thesis statement? Is it effective? Does it make an argument? Is that argument clear? What, if anything, do you suggest?
The thesis statement is centered on the need for universities to reveal their past and support descendants.
3) Support for the thesis statement: What evidence does the author use to support their thesis statement? Where does that evidence come from? What are the primary sources? Does the evidence supplied support the argument? What, if anything, do you suggest?
You are beginning to support the thesis statement. To date (of course) the paper is short, but the elements are there.
4) Structure: Is the draft structured so that the argument is clear and well supported and so that the paper flows well from one section to another? Is there an introductory paragraph? Is the body of the paper divided into sections? Is there a conclusion? What, if anything, do you suggest?
The intro is very well written. I would suggest a structure like this, which you have but don’t develop
a) Intro
b) Historical background about slavery at Georgetown/by Jesuits
c) Your source and what it tells us. The paper is supposed to center on a primary source or sources. This could be expanded on with secondary sources, but the story should come from the source. There is a lot there about named individuals, and their stories are important.
d) a section returning to your thesis. Why should universities acknowledge this? And, importantly, why should the move toward meaningful reparations to descendants? On these points, you begin to develop excellent points. Part of the problem is identifying descendants. That can be done. Then the question is what are the reparations? Develop thoughts around that, perhaps with examples.
5) Writing: Is the paper well written? Is it free of grammatical and spelling errors? Do the paragraphs have topic sentences? Is the writing clear and concise? What, if anything, do you suggest?
You write clearly and concisely. YOU MUST CITE YOUR SOURCES. And you must be careful to put material taken from sources in quotation marks.
6) Concluding remarks: Sum up with what you suggest the author do to make this a better paper. Conclude with praise what the author has done well.
Well done. This is an important topic and one that you are beginning to develop a powerful paper about.