The uk gilt crisis: dynamics, amplification by pension funds, and mitigation mechanisms by the bank of england

My professor asked me to rewrite the Main text with some changes she suggested so that it would be more structurally correct and not have repetitions. I can attach my master’s thesis as well as the professor’s comments.
I went through the thesis but I ended up making too many comments, and it was as though I was rewriting the whole thing myself. So instead, I am sending just my edits and comments from the first part of the paper. You can read and understand them, then go through the rest of the paper and apply them everywhere. I have tried to explain the reasons for the comments, hence the general reason is relevant everywhere, not just in the first section. Basically, the paper requires some rewriting and reorganization. Some order of idea presentation needs to change, ensuring the ideas flow logically one after the other. Then, some generalities or didactic statements need to be removed. Instead, we need more concrete sentences, more concrete explanations, less repetition, more examples if necessary. Do not bother with the abstract, intro, related literature and conclusions, just rewrite the main text. If you need a meeting for anything, let me know.